Epilogue

It has been quite some time since I have taken the time to write this. I have had a lot of time to remember, to reflect, to redirect, and to recommit to my feelings about this journey. I want to take this time to share these thoughts and feelings with the readers. I will talk about many things: Italy and Italians generally, my family in Italy, my friends in Italy, a few of my favorite things and some not so favorite, my faith, my country, and my hopes and dreams for the future.

First, let me say that in no way am I being critical of Italy. I love the country and the home of my mother’s ancestors. And Italy has all of the same issues that America has. We are more alike than different! In fact, if you were to view a photo from a slum of Naples against Detroit, or Rome against Pittsburgh, you may not know the difference between the two. And without the ancient ruins or famous monuments in Rome or the United States being in the picture, nothing could distinguish between the two. So the bad is bad, and the good is good, no matter where you are. I am just attempting to describe what I saw. These are not judgments, just observations. Please try to understand that. I would not want to be described as generalizing of a whole population, and I certainly do not want to be seen as bigoted, for this part of my heritage is what I am most proud of.

Italy

First, let me talk about Italy, one of the most beautiful countries I have seen in person or in pictures. And understand, I only saw a very small part of Italy; some of the more popular sites that showcase the beauty of Italy are place I have never seen.

From the blue water of the sea to snow-capped mountains, big cities like Rome and Naples to little ones like Pietrastornina and Campodimele, from ancient ruins like Pompeii to modern cities like Sperlonga, all the sites I was able to see captivated my eyes and my heart like no other place I have ever seen. But there is a seamy side to Italy as well.

The cities seem to have their main routes of entry filled with slum-like mass housing complexes where most any flat surface (buildings, bridge supports, tunnels, etc.) are covered with graffiti. Trashcans and trash are commonplace along just about any road you traverse to get to tourist destinations.

But each of the cities we visited had their unique strengths as well. For instance, Rome is one of those cities that has it all – great attractions, history, great food, beauty, shopping, night life, etc. Sperlonga has great beaches. Gaeta has some wonderful medieval sites and great views. Campodimele has some wonderful views and great food. Pietrastornina has an untapped mystique. Tufo has charm and great wine. Naples has pizza!

Italians

I had always heard and have read in several places that there are two things that are important to most Italians. The first is family and the second is the kitchen (food). I found this to be absolutely true.

Let me address the first. Almost everyone we met on this trip was all about family. Even our relatives in Naples who argued and fussed for an hour with each other were hugging and friendly at the end of the argument. It was apparent that family will always come first and the love that they have for each other was demonstrated over and over. Now understand, family does not always mean a blood relative. We became family to many of the people we met. To this day, we communicate long distance with several of the people we met as if we were part of their family.

The second fact is that everything revolves around the kitchen. By that I mean everyone will offer you food. Each place we went we were given great food to enjoy. It was as if there could be no conversation unless you had something to put into your mouth. Now I am not complaining as I love food, but there were times when I was eating way too much for my own good. What I did not understand at the time is that it was not about the food, but about the company. Having the food was like an icebreaker to stimulate conversation.

Sticking with the food theme, there are benefits to the way that Italians eat is courses. Having a little bit at each course allows time to digest and satisfy hunger so not as much is consumed. Pretty smart I think, and I would love to see something similar adopted as the dining standard in the United States.

Crime and suspicion are quite common in Italy. Italy is the birthplace of the Cosa Nostra (the Italian Mafia) which has a notorious reputation of cruelty, evil, and indifference for all things that interfere with their ultimate goals – money and power. People in Italy are not trusting (maybe rightfully so) of strangers. Many are suspicious and always think that there are ulterior motives for others behavior. And for some (not all), while they hope and dream for a good life, they do very little to achieve it short of leisure and pleasure. They do that very well, and personally, I would like that lifestyle if I could afford it. The economy is horrible, and maybe hope has been lost for many.

Just about every person I saw withdrawing money from an ATM in Italy covered their free hand over the keypad while typing in their PIN number. We were warned to do that as well. Not just because there is the possibility of a small camera recording your information, but because there were always people in line behind you that could use the number in the event you failed to log out properly or the machine malfunctioned.

I guess the take-away message here is that tourists should take the good with the bad. Italy has so much to offer that is good, but there are some parts to Italy that will make you think twice. For the most part, I did not experience any of this. Everyone I was introduced to was genuine and warm to me. I think that a friend or family member of an Italian instantly becomes a friend or family member of their associates.

All this being said, the people are friendlier than anywhere I have ever been, including in my hometown, state, and country. Every Italian I met was wonderful and kind to me.

Family

I have two close families in Italy. My cousin, Vito Coppola lives in Gaeta. He was born the only child in Naples to Aniello Coppola and Rosetta Russo. Vito works full time as a social worker with the disabled and challenged in Gaeta. His job is difficult, but rewarding personally for him. Vito has told me several times that he and I are very much alike, dreamers. He is right as I have dreamed of love, a happy life, and a desire to travel to see the world. Vito is married to Wilma Mitrano, the sweetest woman he could ever be with, and they have a daughter, Giulia. I love these three so much. It is my fervent hope that in my lifetime I will get to see them often.

My second family is in Naples. Gianna is my mother’s first cousin and she reminds me of my grandmother. Gianna is married to Luigi, a quiet man with a focused determination. And he is a great driver. They have two children, Antonio and Giuseppe. Antonio speaks very good English and teaches English to school boys in Naples. Giuseppe works in quality control for Napolina pasta manufacturing company. He speaks no English. Sabatina (we call her Tina) is Gianna and mom’s other cousin. She lives at home with Guglielmo, her husband, who is retired. This part of my family is closer by blood, but I am just now beginning to know them better. Still, they are family and I love them dearly.

Armando Urciuolo and his son Biagio are the proprietors of a restaurant and pizzeria in Pietrastornina. The last time my mother was in Italy she stayed with them, but Armando was a teenager then. They are related on my grandmother’s side of the family. I am very proud of my Italian heritage and my family in Italy is a testament to where I have come from. The thing that makes me happiest and most proud of my family is that their values are my values. Family is very important to me, and they reciprocate those feelings for me. The closeness I have with them after this trip is stronger than any other bond with extended family I have had during my entire life. It has also inspired me to want to reach out to other family here in America and strengthen those bonds that have weakened through the years.

Friends

Wilma’s parents are Erasmo Mitrano and Marissa Paoli. Erasmo is a quiet and kind man that is sensitive, but does no show it outwardly. On the other hand, Marissa is outwardly emotional and very kind as well. Their daughter Jessica is a sweet girl that is much like her father, but once you get to know her I suspect she can be quite a good friend. Her boyfriend and fiancé, Anthony Salemme is a very personable gentleman that is quiet at first, but once you know him better he opens up and is very vocal. Nicola Tarallo is a very personable gentleman that is passionate about his city and promoting it. I suspect he would make a great marketing person. His mother, father, and nonna, Maria D'Agnese Magliocca, are also very nice people who love to meet visitors and tourist who come to Gaeta. They are some of the most hospitable people I met the entire time we were there. Erasmo DiPerna and his wife Marisina Stefanelli were genuinely nice people and Erasmo has become one of my very best friends in Italy. He is a broadcaster and his hobby is electronics and music. We hit it off instantly. Marisina is a housewife/opera singer and is very proud of her family. She has a sensitive nature that was evident even though it was never vocalized that we could understand as she speaks no English. Giò DiPerna, their oldest son is very polite and serious about his music. He is a great guitar player and I suspect we will hear from him in the future music industry. Gabrielle DiPerna, their youngest son is shy, but has a great personality. He has an interest in futbol and is much less serious than his older brother.

Damiano Ciano, a friend of Vito’s who we never saw outside of Tapas is a nice man that has an opinion about many topics from sports to politics. He is a very personable person in a very professional way.

Stefano Muto, another friend of Vito’s loves to have fun. At Tapas, he was the life of the party and welcomed us into his life with open arms – literally. His wife, Leda Viola, was a very classy woman who did speak some English which made her instantly a hit with us.

Alex Milone is one of Vito’s very best friends. He works with Vito as a contributing reporter and editor for their online futbol magazine. Rosa Paretta was his girlfriend at the time we were in Italy, but they have since split and gone their separate ways. Both of them became great friends of ours.

Gianluca Bronco and his wife, Pamela Costabile, are both great friends to Vito and Wilma and their daughter Federica Bronco will likely grow up to be good friends with Giulia since they are a mere two weeks apart in age. Their hospitality was greatly appreciated by both of us and their cooking skills are excellent.

Antonio Montella, owner of the Kilroy travel agency in Gaeta was one of the nicest men we met on our stay. He is well connected and is a respected member of the community. I will hold him to his promise to throw a great party for us when we return.

Paolo Perrone and Fulvio, the father and son team that run Tapas Bar, were very kind to us. They have hung flags in their bar for both the East Carolina University Pirates and the University of South Carolina Gamecocks. They treated us like royalty while we were there and I cannot wait to see them again.

Marco Ianotta, another broadcasting friend of Vito’s is another one of those “life of the party” personalities that absolutely loves talking sports, and yes he speaks some English.

Mary (Marie) Picano lives in Campodimele. Her kindness in welcoming us to her hometown and making sure we were well-informed to the cuisine that is common from Campodimele was greatly appreciated by all of us who ate together. She is a genuinely nice person who has even befriended our mother via Facebook.

Massimo Taiani, our taxi driver and Vito’s friend made sure we were safely delivered to and from Gaeta. His kindness will never be forgotten by either of us.

Assunta Parella has become a friend to Mark and I through one meeting, but more so through Facebook. Her story and devotion to family in the Italian way were recorded in a book she wrote and she suffered both mentally and physically from her lifetime ordeals as detailed in writing. She has continued to remember us and we are thankful that she cares enough about her city to make sure that corruption is not the order of the day.

Paola DeVillis is the proprietor of the jewelry store that I shopped at. She has the personality that knows no strangers. When we first met, she kissed and embraced me like we had known each other for years. She speaks very good English and I will value our friendship forever.

Evgeniya Smolikova became a good friend through the language similarity. She was fluent in Italian and English, in addition to her native Russian tongue. When we struggled to find the right words, she was able to do so. Having a larger group that frequently separated on the tour was a benefit for translations.

Francesco La Rana, another good friend of Vito, and his wife, Silvia Dolcino were kind to us while we were in Gaeta. Along with their daughter, Aurora La Rana, we were able to spend one of the better times we had in the city with them – relaxing.

I can count both hands the number of close friends I have here in the United States. When I think about the friends I have made since this trip I would need four or five hands to count them. These are not just casual acquaintances, either; they are good friends that I write to, I call, I send greeting cards to, and that I SKYPE with. These are lifelong friends that will forever hold a place in my heart and one day will I will hold in a friendly embrace with a kiss to both cheeks. Enough said!

My Favorite Things

Old Gaeta was probably my favorite thing to witness while in Italy. Not so much the houses or the narrow streets, although they were like a maze of very European delights that you only see in pictures until you go, but because around every turn the view of the sea was as spectacular as any I had ever seen in my life. And the fact that it was on the side of a mountain made it even more spectacular as we ascended to the monastery at the top. There the view was a fantastic as one could ever imagine with all the seaside villages visible from Gaeta to Naples. It was one of those places that you could stay at forever.

Sperlonga was much like Gaeta in that the views were wonderful, but much of what you saw were the beaches of a more modern community from a medieval vantage point. Sperlonga did offer spectacular waves crashing against the cliffs below and a more open vista to see the landscape from on high when you were along the outer parts of old Sperlonga. Seeing Grotta di Tiberio from a distance was interesting as the opening to the cave looks much smaller from the city than it actually is.

I had spent countless hours studying the city of Campodimele, even reading a book about why the city had so many centenarians. And I heard from Mark numerous stories about his visit there a few years ago. So going to Campodimele was one of the things I looked forward to more than anything.

The sites of the city did not disappoint me, especially the views from the mountaintop down into the valleys filled with farmland. Seeing this was one of the main highlights of my trip.

Walking through the city was like walking through a fantasy I had in my mind from the book I had read and while I walked I wondered if some of the people I saw were some from the book, and if some of the places we saw were highlighted in the stories. I pictured myself there making the recipes from the book, seeing the farmers harvesting their crops grown not only for each season, but for each month of the year.

Pietrastornina, the homeland of my family, was an emotional, almost spiritual, experience for me. Visiting this city and walking on the land that my grandfather owned nearly a century ago was surreal. This was land that he had farmed and where his family before him had trod upon. To think that I was here and saw what he saw was an incredible experience.

I would have loved to have more time to spend in Pietrastornina so that I could have explored more of my family roots. Since being home, I have searched and found many relatives, though distant, that I would have like to put a face to. One of my goals is to enjoy a meal prepared by Armando at his restaurant. Another is to climb the rock in the middle of town so I can enjoy the 360 degree view of the valley below.

Had I had more time, I would have visited shops and purchased more souvenirs of the city. One of the things I regretted about my trip after arriving back in the United States was not really having anything for me to remember the trip by except for the post cards I collected. Pietrastornina would most definitely be a longer visit in the future.

I also enjoyed visiting Vito’s house there. Knowing that he had spent numerous hours as a kid there playing and that his mother and father were known residents to the area, albeit during their stays there away from Naples, made the kinship to him much stronger.

The call Roma the Eternal City. I will eternally want to visit Rome again and for much longer when I go back. And I hope that the legend of tossing the coin in Trevi Fountain is indeed true. Rome was fantastic. The typical tourist sites were great, but not nearly as great as walking down the streets and looking up. I feel that in Rome you get a better sense of what the city is really like if you look up to see the life above the streets.

Least Favorite Things

Probably the one thing that disappointed me most was the excessive graffiti on building walls, bridge supports, abandoned vehicles, trash cans, etc. Most any flat surface seemed to be covered with graffiti, primarily in Naples and to a large degree in Rome. I did not see any of this in Pietrastornina, Campodimele, Sperlonga, or Gaeta. I can only speculate that the reason why is that the population of Campodimele is largely older, more responsible citizens. In Pietrastornina, there is an older generation as well. Sperlonga and Gaeta are resort cities and I suspect that there is a greater effort to have a more aesthetic look to the city so as not to deter tourism.

As I have said previously, it seems to me that there could be a concentrated effort to “clean-up” the cities and make them more attractive to tourists. With the economy the way it is and unemployment at a high percentage, it is my opinion that the changes would bring more tourists into an area that is focused on having a clean, visually pleasing country to complement the ancient ruins and attractions that they come to see. If the problem is that the Italian people are not motivated to work, then there should be more of an incentive to seek employment. Maybe because the country is a socialist government has something to do with that, but honestly I never saw anything that led me to believe that Italians are any different than Americans.

In Naples, the large amount of immigrants who have escaped the countries in Africa that are either terrorist countries or have extreme poverty is excessive. Antonio called them "clandestines". In January 2013, there were 4,387,721 foreign nationals resident in Italy. The fact that Italy accepts there immigrants who are coming illegally on a humanitarian basis when the country does not have enough resources for their own people is beyond me. What I witnessed in Naples is that these people are very intimidating and would likely rob from you if given the opportunity. I would not walk alone in Naples; in fact, I would only do so if I was with a resident who would take me to neighborhoods where crime was minimal and in larger groups. I am not trying to generalize about a particular population, but I did not feel safe when these immigrants were around. Just a gut feeling I had.

Like any traveler that is visiting a land that they have always wanted to, I was anxious to see as much as I could in the time we had. Dodging the weather was something we did not build into our plans for what we wanted to see. Being able to see everything that we wanted to meant that we were forced to rush to some degree. After re-reading my blog, I see that there was a fair amount of time devoted to resting when we could have been seeing more instead. But the rest time was needed, especially for me as I had the most difficulty adjusting to the time change. Rushing is not something I enjoy doing, but was forced to several times.

There is a benefit to not seeing everything that I wanted to on this trip – planning a return trip to make up the difference. And the next time will be during a warmer, less rainy month.

Crowds are another of my pet-peeves. Much of the rushing we did was to avoid the excessive crowds we experienced in Rome after the election of Pope Francis. Not only do the crowds make for a mad rush to see the sites, but aggravates an OCD photographer like me who is always trying to get that special shot that would be talked about when viewed by family and friends.

It is not any wonder that many of the places that I enjoyed the most were places where there were fewer people – Campodimele, Pietrastornina, Sperlonga, and of course, Gaeta.

Street vendors in Rome were another one of the issues that I had hoped would not be the case. Not the fact that they were there, but the fact that 1) most were not Italian, 2) most were not friendly, 3) a few were actually rude, and 4) the merchandise was not of high quality. Having said this, I must clarify the last one – when you shop like this you get what you pay for and that I do understand.

One vendor was absolutely rude to me. The sad thing is that I was prepared to buy several items from the man, but he would not allow me to examine the items (scarfs) I wanted to buy for length and quality. If I wanted to buy, I was to look only. That is not what I do when I spend my hard earned money. He did not get my business and I let him know that I was not happy. He was not Italian or I suspect he would have been much nicer. Others street vendors were indifferent about me buying anything or just did not give me the time of day. As an obvious tourist, they should have known that I was planning on buying. Most tourists do.

My last and least favorite thing to complain about was Philadelphia. I have never, ever in my life had a good experience flying through Philadelphia’s airport, and I have done so several times. Delays, disorganization, and indifference from the people are my main complaints. I realize that the delays were from legitimate concerns, i.e. weather and mechanical failures, but it was as if the people working there are accustomed to that and that travelers would have to live with it without even a hint of an apology. Live and learn!

My Faith

I have always considered myself a moderately religious person, not an extremist for sure, and like all of us I slip from time-to-time, but being in a land that played a significant role in the early days of Christianity stimulated a significant amount of thought and reflection on my spiritual being. Knowing that I was walking in the land where both believers and non-believers walked made me think about my own commitment to my God.

The fact that there were so many churches and religious artifacts that were part of our tour also played a major role in my mindset during and since our trip. Seeing centuries of our Christian history in person made what I had only seen and heard in literature or from lessons in church made my lifelong experiences a reality.

Lastly, the fact that I was able to experience this pilgrimage to my family homeland and arrive and return safely also gave me reasons to praise my maker. With His grace and blessing on our travels the trip was everything I had hoped it would be and more. I am truly grateful that I was able to have this experience.

My Country

One may ask what my country has to do with a trip to Italy. More than you know! When I think about how this country, America, came to be with immigrants from all over the world, there is a connection. I think about how many Italian Americans there are all over the United States, there is a connection. When I was younger I read the history books and know that Americans helped to liberate family, the very countrymen that were occupied during World War II, and because of this there is a connection. When I see two countries struggling economically at the same time, there is a connection. When I see a healthcare system evolving in this country that is similar to the socialist system in Italy, there is a connection.

We’re all immigrants! Every one of us in America that is not from a Native American heritage is an immigrant. It just happens that my heritage is one-half Italian. I have always been proud of both Italy and America. They both have their beauty and wonder, and both have their trials and tribulations.

I hope that the reader of this blog does not see me as being critical of Italy or America, especially Italy. If I was forced to be critical, today I would be more critical of my country than Italy. My aim is to point out observations I have made, opinions I have formed based on facts from actually being there.

Hopes and Dreams

Friends were made through association and that was enough for them to accept us. I am grateful for the many friends I now have and I am committed to keeping those friends for a lifetime.

This trip was one that my wife described as the trip-of-a-lifetime. She was right. Subsequent trips would only reinforce my initial impressions and add to them. I cannot imagine that anyone would doubt that this was indeed that. I met my family for the first time. I saw my family home place. I walked the land my family farmed. I experienced the food, the culture, the history, the passion of the people, the kindness, the caring, and was able to hold my newest cousin in my arms and hush her cries.

For one month following my visit, I dreamed every night about being back in Italy. I dreamed I was in the Colosseum in Rome, on my grandfather’s land, in town at Pietrastornina, old Gaeta, and in Sperlonga at Grotta di Tiberio. I would wake up after these dreams and after a minute or two when reality set in I would be sad that I could not finish the dream, or that I was not back in Italy. If dream interpreters told me that the meaning behind these dreams was that I wished I was back, then they would be right.

One day I will return, and I am not going to let a lot of time go by when I do. My hope is to convince Susan that she can fly overseas and be away from home for two weeks to go with me. I would hate to be away from her for a long time again, but I want to return to see the things that I have already seen and more of those that I have not seen. Since being home, not one day goes by that I do not look at my pictures or research what I can about where I have been and the places I want to go to. I talk about my trip to anyone who will listen. I will go back, but for now, I will dream!

It isn’t the sites, the history, the food, the wine, or anything that most people go to Italy to experience that was what I love about Italy. It is the people – people who are kind, generous, welcoming, and friendly. E.M. Forster said “Love and understand the Italians, for the people are more marvelous than the land.” I cannot say enough good things about the family I spent so much time with, or the friends that I made while I was there. My hope is that these friendships will be lifelong relationships and that I will one day see them all again. Italy gave me so much more than I ever imagined it would and I would not trade this adventure for the world.